Friday, 12 October 2012

Green pants and Dreadlocks

So today continues the pursuit of dreadlocks. My sister in law worked last night for about 3 hours and we have a head of sectioned hair and five beautiful dreads. Well I'd say beautiful but my family would say YUCK!! So then why I am I doing this if so many are apposed. Well because I'm almost 30 and I don't care what you say any more. This is not out of defiance or because I'm a big girl now. It comes out of I no longer what to live in fear of what others think and say. I've thought about doing this for 15 years that's half of my life I could have been living with dreads and I haven't only because I was afraid of what others would say. I'm very self aware  I always have been. I've struggled for years with eating disorders and anxiety all because of others. Sure I've made choices along the way that haven't helped but it's been the fear of others that have gotten in the way.

A few years ago my mom was taking a few of us girls shopping for Christmas. We were at Jcrew picking out some corduroy pants and they had every colour including green. I loved them I thought they were amazing I had to have them. I tried them on and put them in the please Santa pick these pile! And Santa brought them to me. I've only worn them a handful of times why? because people have commented on the fact they are green and I got fearful that I was a walking Christmas tree in October. So I long to wear them but they never get picked.

Now I know in the grand scheme it if all this could simply be a first world problem, who cares if I keep my hair curly and only wear sensible coloured pants? There are much bigger problems out there and yes this is true. but the problem with keeping these things hidden is it's also a part of me. And I'm amazing baby!!! by continuing to keep parts of me hidden is letting me grow stale and stagnant. A river can't let only part of it's water go into the ocean or the part that doesn't go will get all nasty and dry up. I'm meant to be something and do something. I want to teach and help the next generation know things about life that were kept hidden from me. I want to help the next generation wear there green pants. There are people who have the answers to childhood cancers, that can stop wars, and have ideas how to just do life better than we are doing. But if they are to afraid to wear green pants and get dreadlocks this world may never change.

So I'm pushing 30 and I"m finally ready to say yeah this is who I am, I'm a writer and a teacher, I like green pants and all things granola. I'm shy and loud and I'm going to change the world. I hope that my son grows up in a world that he can be and do what he wants with no fear, but first he needs to see his mum do that. He needs to have an example.

So today please wear green pants!!


  1. i want to be free before 30 too! and i would join you in the colorful pants department if i could. i would go bright blue. C.D.

  2. I DID wear green pants on Friday!